Writing the Family Code

Write Your Family Code

How to Write Your Family Code - Blog

This throwback piece was written on June 30, 2010 after a conversation I had with my dad about wanting to move back to my hometown in Phoenix from a 2 year stay in beautiful Colorado. 


He asked me why I wanted to move back home to AZ....

I referenced the conversation we had about a month ago about me having the ability to "Write the Code" and it hasn't left me.

To which he so kindly responded,

You will write our code. It’s YOUR code. No matter what happens, or where. It’s your turn. It’s your life. Just try to write a story that makes YOU proud, and we’ll all support you! You are all of us combined and new and improved, and taking us into the future.....

Hearing this kind of support from the man that gave you life is an overwhelmingly amazing feeling! I love that I am so supported and can rest in his confidence in me! This, at the bottom of every woman's heart, is the EXACT thing she needs to be sure of....that indeed, she's capable of continuing the legacy! That she has all that it takes to be the woman she was raised to be and can raise her children in confidence as well! And there are two major sources whose affirmations can satisfy this need in her soul....her daddys!

How disgustingly common it is for a rift to be placed between a family. One person having the ability to break the family chain, causing distance, hardship, resentment and a lot of underlying and unspoken pain. In just two words, "I do" can mean the death of all that family has come to know.

You are not just marrying a husband (or wife), but choosing a father (or mother) for your children. When you marry, you do not choose blessings or curses for you alone; you choose for the generations after you. Your children’s and grandchildren’s lives will be directly affected by the man (person) you marry.

Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones, Lady in Waiting, (Shippensburg, Pennsylvania: Destiny Image Publishers, 2005) pp. 140-141 (Parenthesis mine)


Why isn't the impact of marriage and parenthood viewed with such seriousness?

Perhaps if more people chose to adopt this mentality, they'd make more wise decisions before agreeing to dedicate their life to another, and for all the family involved; present and future.


Statistics show: 

  • 8% of women married for the first time by the 18th birthday

  • 25% married by the 20th birthday

  • 76% married by the 30th birthday

Center for Disease Control and Prevention

Department of Health and Human Services

Vital and Health Statistics

"Cohabitation, Marriage, and Remarriage in the United States" Series 23, No. 22 [ Page 11] 


As a society, we've placed more value on the WEDDING than on the MARRIAGE. 


...so if you focus on a magnificent wedding versus cultivating and planting the seeds for a magnificent and long-lasting marriage, you might get the wedding day of your dreams and the marriage of your nightmares.
— Dr. Robin Smith

Reflection Question:

What parts of your "family code" do you wish to write into future generations? What parts of your family code do you wish to rewrite?