While in church service this day, Holy Spirit just grabbed ahold of my heart. It was intense.
Today is a marker day in my life story.
I said "YES" to God in a whole new way today. I've been called. He's been speaking to me, showing me big vision...and I've been running. Stuttering like Moses, full of excuses. Full of fear. It hasn't mattered how many times I've read the hall of faith in Hebrews 11, I've still convinced myself I'm not worthy. And truth is, I'm not. Who is?! I've played it safe for too long- tried to live a comfortable, "normal" life. Trying to earn respect and credibility from the wrong people, the few people that misunderstand me while discrediting the ones God has put in my life that constantly remind me the truth of Gods promises over my life. Things continually get flipped upside down and sideways and I keep going back to what I know because it's conventional, it's the "responsible" way of life...and it's been sucking my spirit of joy and purpose. He wants more out of me. And now, I want to give it to Him. All of it. I don't want a conventional life. I'm okay with discomfort. I'm okay with not fitting in with the negative naysayers. I want to offer my life as a living sacrifice as Paul wrote to the Romans in chapter 12....
I CANT NOT.